It Was a Dark and Stormy Night--#1

Ferd Lewis, sports writer for the Honolulu Advertiser, is normally a very good, insightful and sometimes witty writer. In today's column, however, had he been writing fiction he would have made himself eligible for first prize in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.* I quote:

For in the day and a half preceding the 6:05 p.m. kickoff, time planned to see old friends and dust off memories, the 58-year-old has had ample opportunity to ponder the turn of events that dislodged him from his native Canada and brought him to Hawai'i, which would become an important crossroads in his life just over 40 years ago.

*This award is named after the writer of the novel that began with this famous opening sentence:

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)