Tuesday, September 27, 2005

China Recycles Executed Prisoners Into Collagen For Facial Cosmetics

Image hosted by Photobucket.comYou know, when you have a great big country and lots and lots of people it's easy to run out of stuff that you really need.

Take China for instance. It happens all the time. Some poor bureaucrat's wife is having a bad lip day and needs some collagen-based cosmetic to boost up her lip-appeal.

Collagen, at least in China, is not a major natural resource. A quick look through any reference book will show that China has zip....zero....nada collagen mines....even in Tibet and Mongolia which ought to have at least something of value somewhere.

Collagen, unfortunately, does not reproduce. It cannot be grown in a field or even easily manufactured from industrial chemicals in a collagen factory.

Nope. The stuff comes from animals....including people. It's found in the skin, the joints, cartilage and bones.

But the Chinese are no fools. They know the score and they are environmentally sensitive, too. The most prolific animal in China is the human being. They've got a billion of 'em. Many, if not most of them are not really useful or necessary and the folks who really do matter figured out that there was an awful lot of collagen running around and going to waste.

The down side of this was when one of those unnecessary souls was shot by a firing squad and then buried. What a waste! Recycling is a big deal in China. Everything gets used and reused. So, a cosmetics outfit got the idea that it would be patriotic, profitable and ecologically beneficial to make the best of a bad situation and recycle those poor executed folks into something useful for the wives of bureaucrats.

The skin is the best source of PRCDA Grade A collagen and whatever skin is not riddled with bullet holes can be carefully harvested and reprocessed into beautiful and glamorous facial restorative cosmetic products.

The popularity of these "dead man's skin" creams and lotions proved to be so huge that word got out and people outside of China began to beg for a piece of what was making the wives of Chinese bureaucrats look so radiantly stunning, especially in the soft glow of a paper lantern.

Yahoo News reports that Chinese cosmetic products containing collagen extracted from the skin of executed prisoners have already been exported for sale to the notoriously skin-challenged people of the United Kingdom.

It is not yet clear whether those who have purchased these cosmetics are actually aware that they are smearing processed human body parts onto their lips. Could kissing really become an act of unintended cannibalism?

I will not be surprised if similar products begin showing up on the shelves of American stores in the near future. The potential market for such renewable human material is endless. I can see the TV commercials now.......

"Hey, guys, do you....you know....suffer from sexual disfunction....not all the time, of course, but every once in a while and it's really frustrating and embarrassing? Well we have a crushed, dried and reconstituted product that will raise you from the dead quicker than a Rocky Mountain oyster......"
On second thought, maybe we all need to have second thoughts about this before we find ourselves being genetically selected and recycled to provide a healthy-looking shine to the hair of some bureaucrat's wife......