While the United Nations continues to "rope-a-dope
" the largest financial scandal in world history I have not only been doing some creative thinking but have hit upon a brilliant solution.
I propose that the United Nations headquarters be moved from New York City to Yamoussoukro. "Huh?" you may ask. "What the heck is a Yamoussoukro?"
Although it sounds like the name of an Iraqi automobile (as in "I just love driving through Fallujah in my Yamoussoukro
") it is, in fact, the capital city of that tropical paradise known as Cote d'Ivoire or, for those water-drinking, bath-taking Americans, the Ivory Coast
The genius of my idea goes like this:
1. The Ivory Coast used to be a colony of France and, in independence, continues to enjoy the many positive political, religious and cultural values it inherited from the mother country which gave it birth.
2. They speak the French language there which means it is a very cultured place. (French is, of course, one of the official languages of the United Nations. This, by itself, should be enough to commend this lush and verdant land as a logical place for the representative leaders of the nations of the world to gather for their deliberations on how to spread peace and happiness to all people everywhere.
3. It has offshore oil reserves (useful for trading for food, etc.)
4. It is far, far away from everywhere.
This last point is the most important since it appears to me that the biggest problem facing the United Nations is having its headquarters in New York City. New York simply has too many tempting restaurants, showplaces and activities to distract and dazzle the otherwise sober and serious work of international diplomacy for which the UN is renowned.
Even more of a concern is that New York is such a good place to enjoy diplomatic privileges (such as legal "immunity") that the best representatives of world nations get shoved aside by aggressive, self-centered prigs who consider that being a national delegate to the United Nations in New York City would be a real "plum" job. Even more tempting, such a job provides a wonderful, all-expenses paid opportunity for most of them to leave their corrupt, violent, scandal-ridden, backward and bankrupt countries behind and bask, instead, in a life of opulent luxury covered by extravagant expense accounts.
In New York City even the delegates from the poorest countries get the chance to pretend that they are equal to the "big boys." In General Assembly their vote counts as much as everyone else's and, when their turn comes to rotate through the Security Council they can hold the rich countries hostage and blackmail them (diplomatically, of course) for their kind words, support and votes.
The New York media loves to publish every squeak and squeal uttered by these diplomats, especially if they contain some condemnation of either Israel or the United States. This also makes the delegates from the smaller countries feel important and, of course, further distracts them from the always urgent demands of negotiating peace with everyone engaged in domestic or international conflict.
If the UN Headquarters were moved to Yamoussoukro, however, none of the self-centered prigs would want to go, leaving the delegate positions vacant to be filled with career diplomats who might possibly have ideas for peace that might actually work.
Every squeak and squeal would be quoted in the local Yamoussoukro news media and would be read by hardly anyone anywhere because the news would be printed or aired in French.
And, best of all, foreign diplomats will be spared the hypocrisy of enjoying the benefits of living in America while, at the same time, constantly condemning it as a vile, hate-mongering, imperialist and morally-challenged Great Satan.
From Yamoussoukro they can be free to express their contempt for the United States without having to deal with the burden of guilt that they must have felt when they were enjoying living here so much.
Finally, the warm feelings of the Cote d'Ivoirians toward France
would help France overcome its feelings of low self-esteem in the world. Video
of French tanks, armored troop carriers and snipers slaughtering unarmed groups of local citizens will also persuade even the most skeptical nations of France's unequaled ability to negotiate, implement, maintain and preserve peace throughout the world.
My guess is that if the UN Headquarters were moved to Yamoussoukro no one would even bother to show up for meetings, the UN would shrivel up and die, and the aggressive, self-centered prigs of the world of nations would dream up a new organization to assure world peace. After much deliberation they would, I suspect, reluctantly agree to have it headquartered in New York City.