Phil Jackson Returning as Lakers' Coach

We can expect a "centering calm" and the gentle murmur of "ohm" when the Los Angeles Lakers start suiting up in preparation for next year's season. Yes, indeed, that can only mean that Phil Jackson, the "Dr. Phil" of the NBA, has agreed to return as the "Shaq-less" Lakers' "Head Guru."

Rumors have it that Jackson's contract requires that he stand up, wave his arms in the air and scream at least once each game (as a preventive measure to keep courtside paramedics from mistaking the aura of his "inner child" for his having fallen into a coma).