Saturday, April 30, 2005

Veiled Egyptian Women Shoot Up Cairo Tourist Bus & Then Shoot Themselves

In Cairo today, two veiled women shot at a tourist bus and missed everyone. As nearby security personnel closed in one of the women shot and killed the other and then shot and wounded herself. You can read the story here.

The article does not explain the women's motivation for their attack. To help fill in that missing detail, I have written a dialogue between the women, speculating on what they might have been thinking about.

Note: This is not intended as an insult to Islam or to Muslims. It is, however, intended as an insult to those who support or who participate in terrorism.
Woman #1: Well, today's the day we glorify Allah and show the infidels what we think of their.....uh.....what is it that we think?

Woman #2: We show the infidels what we think about their....their infidelity! You idiot!

Woman #1: Oh, yes. Sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous.

Woman #2: Nervous? About what? Oh, I see. You're nervous about shooting and killing innocent people on a tourist bus this morning? What's the big deal? There are probably mostly women and children on the bus. What are they going to do, shoot back at you or something?

#1: Well, no. You drew the long straw so you get to do that for them, right?

#2: Right. So what do you have to be nervous about?

#1: Nothing, I guess. I feel like such a wimp.

#2: We are not wimps! Our husbands have commanded us to do this so we're going to do it. Is that a problem for you?

#1: Well, I suppose that being chosen for this honor is a real testimony to the love and passion my husband has for me. I've never really been so honored in my a woman, I mean.

#2: That's more like it. After all, you've been practicing your shooting skills for almost a week. I bet you've hit that target with Britney Spear's picture on it more times than anyone else! And Richard Gere? Right between the eyes!

#1: Yes, I know. But I thought he was on our side?

#2: No. He's an infidel trying to be a different infidel while pretending to be a friend of folks like us. What a joke. As if one infidel is any better than another! Besides, the odds are that he won't be on that bus today anyway.

#1: But, now that you mention it, what if their are Muslims on the bus. They aren't infidels, so why should we be shooting at them?

#2: Because we will be sending those false believers who make their living by sucking up to those imperialist, fascist mothers of occupiers straight to hell where they belong. In any case, if we kill a good Muslim by mistake, we are doing them a favor by making them a martyr for jihad. And, when they get their 27 virgins in heaven, they will be very grateful to us.

#1: Let me get this straight. If a good Muslim man is martyred for jihad, he goes straight to paradise and receives 27 virgins as a reward. Right?

#2: Right.

#1: When we, who are good Muslim women, are martyred for jihad, we go straight bo paradise and receive what?

#2: We each get to be one of those 27 virgins, of course!

#1: But I'm not a virgin....and neither are you!

#2: I know it doesn't make a shred of sense, but my husband told me that that's what the Imam said in his sermon last Friday so it must be true.

#1: But I've read the Holy Koran over and over again and I have never seen anything about blessings for women in paradise. How does the Imam know this?

#2: Just hush your mouth and don't go bad-mouthing the Imam or the Prophet (blessed be his name). We must be simple, faithful women and do what we can to defend Islam against the infidel invaders.

#1: But.....

#2: Why don't you just......! Oh, alright, speak your peace and be done with it.

#1: But is this what all Muslims think? I mean, is what we are going to do have the blessing of all Muslims everywhere? Or are we just being set up by some radical fringe Muslim sect?

#2: Maybe yes, maybe no. It doesn't really matter, now, does it? There are no divisions in Islam. We are all one faith and one people. There is unity in our faith and, like all true sisters and brothers, we will stand up for each other at all times as a matter of family honor and pride. ......except for those creepy Shi'ites, of course.....and those Sufis.....and all those other non-Wahabbi's who follow the false paths of Islam.

#1: But that's nearly 95% of the world's Muslims!

#2: Yes, and that just makes our responsibility that much greater.

#1: Thanks, I feel a lot better now. By the way, could I ask you a favor?

#2: Sure. Go ahead.

#1: After we shoot up the bus and it's time for you to kill me, would you pretend that I'm Barry Manilow? Down at the target range, you've never missed him yet!