Barbie & Ken Vow to Free "Special Ops Cody" From Iraqi Terrorist Group

In a remarkable demonstration of partriotism and courage, U.S. Army Barbie and well known "friend" Ken, have personally volunteered to secure the release of fellow comrade-at-arms "Special Ops Cody," reputedly being held hostage by Iraqi Terrorists.

The "Al Mujahedeen Brigade" posted Cody's photograph on an Islamic website yesterday, mistakenly identifying him as "John Adam." The photograph graphically shows Cody's own gun being pointed at his head.

Although pleased with the sincerity of the offer made by Barbie and Ken, Liam Cusack, the marketing coordinator for Dragon Models USA and the person primarily responsible for Cody's safety, respectfully declined, saying, "Our division has over 500,000 more "Special Ops Cody's" available who are ready and willing to do the job themselves."

An anonymous source in Baghdad reportedly contacted Al-Jazeerah's Arab news bureau with information suggesting that February 1st is celebrated as "Mujahadein Fool's Day" each year.

U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy, when asked for his response to the hostage report, repeated his opinion that this was one more piece of evidence proving the incompetence of the Bush administration's handling of the war. "We should begin bringing our brave soldiers, like "Special Ops Cody," home from Iraq," Senator Kennedy said, "and the sooner the better!"

Elsewhere, a grim-faced U.N. Secretary General Kofi Anan stated that this latest abduction represented what appeared to be an increasingly deteriorating security situation. "Prudence demands," he said, "that I postpone my planned visit to Iraq until we are more confident that the American and Iraqi military will be able to provide a safe environment for our visit. Until then, I will be in Paris consulting with French President Chirac concering certain 'confidential matters.'" When asked by a reporter if these "confidential matters" had anything to do with the "Oil for Food" scandal investigation, Mr. Anin, who speaks fluent French, replied with words that defied Babelfish's ability to translate them into English.

UPDATE: A confidential memo circulating among Mattel, Inc. executives was revealed, today, to contain the following comment: "Somebody %!*@?&# arrange to get Barbie taken hostage NOW!"