Oscars For Everybody!

The Oscar Awards seemed to have been "hand picked" to give everybody something to go home feeling sort-of OK about.

Consider:

Best Picture went to "Crash" which, when announced, brought an audible gasp of shock from the audience of stars. No one expected Crash to win and, guessing from the surprise, most of the attendees appeared to have voted for and expected "Brokeback Mountain" to win. Why didn't it win? Hmmm.

Best Director went to Ang Lee for "Brokeback Mountain" which is almost as good a getting "Best Picture" except without the public numbness that would have ensued had it actually won that final award.

Best Actor went to Philip Seymour Hoffman for his title role in "Capote." This was, perhaps, the most competetive of the major awards this year and Hoffman's performance appears to have been worthy of being chosen as the "Best." It was one of the only awards to go to "Capote."

Best Actress went to Reese Witherspoon for her role as June Carter Cash in "Walk the Line." Reese was almost as much of a surprise winner as "Crash" was for Best Picture. Of all the major movies chosen for major categories "Walk the Line" was undoubtedly the most wholesome, family-oriented, morally-centered film to be nominated. Although Witherspoon was a worthy recipient of her award her role was totally overshadowed in the movie by the brilliant lead role of Johnny Cash played by Joaquin Phoenix (who did not win).

Best Supporting Actor went to George Clooney for his role in "Syriana." Clooney was nominated for four different Oscars and this was the only one he took home. "Good Night and Good Luck" was totally goose-egged.

Best Supporting Actress went to Rachel Weisz for her role in the much-touted "The Constant Gardner."

Spread the wealth. Something for everybody. Nothing too controversial. Nothing too wonderful. Nothing to write home about.

More than "Crash" winning the top award, this year's Oscars will be remembered for being the year the the Best Song award went to Three 6 Mafia for their inane number, "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp." During the performace of the song at least one of the lyrics (such as they were) was "bleeped." When Jordan "Juicy J" Houston received his award one of his (or was it one of the other Three Mafiosis?) comments was also "bleeped."

Tonight Hip Hop replaced glamour as the Hollywood's cachet, and bling sparkled amidst the tattoos. One could almost hear the voice of Oscar crying out, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Jon Stewart can sleep well knowing that the "fizz" in this year's Oscar Awards program would have gone flat whether he had been there to help it along or not.